A One-Legged-Turkey Problem

For the past couple of weeks, we have had a problem.  It's a serious problem, but a ridiculous sounding one.  You see, we have a one-legged-turkey problem. 

This stupid one-legged turkey - we now refer to him as OLT. Yep, he's been around long enough to have a nickname - has been hopping around our yard for nearly three weeks now.  I first noticed him on a Thursday morning, stumbling around eating apples that fell off of our tree.  At that point I thought, "Aww... poor turkey got hurt and lost a leg.  I'm glad he found something to eat." 
Now, two weeks and half a dozen dog baths later, I am all "Let's buy a slingshot and kick that bastard's ass!"  
Lol...oh, how my tone has changed.  
To be honest, I am experiencing major internal turmoil over this issue.  The bleeding-heart-animal-lover-side of me is fighting with the Montana-style-"get-off-my-land-and-don't-mess-with-my-dog!" side of me. 

See? When he lays down - which he does quite frequently given how tired his one leg gets - he actually looks like a cute little duck

But I am ready to be more aggressive.  Murph finds great pleasure in rolling around in turkey poop, and I seriously cannot believe how much that bird poops.  I've given him at least four baths in the past two weeks, including one morning before work, it really threw off my morning.

The turkey was still over in the side yard, thinking about coming over for apples when I took Murph off the leash and noticed he was a mess.  In my rage, I ran off of the porch in my bare feet and work clothes and started running up our steep hill, yelling at the stupid animal, who didn't seem phased at all and clearly didn't consider me to be a threat.  He took one hop in the other direction then turned his head around and just watched me make a fool of myself.  In that rage I also neglected to remember that I had let Murph off the leash, so he got all excited about my yelling and his dirty hide ran up the hill, barking away at the turkey, completely unleashed. Fortunately Murphy was distracted enough by the word "treat" (which he did NOT get) that he came back without any problem, and sadly, even with all of that drama the turkey barely moved an inch. 

Day later, the turkey remains undeterred. 

Yesterday he brought an entire hoard of turkeys - at least 8 of them - to the yard with him, as well as three deer.  I felt like we were living in a zoo.  Three days ago I saw him across the street and up the road and thought that surely that was too far of a distance for him to come back any time soon, and I thought that maybe - just maybe - he would get hit by a car if he tried to come back to our side of the street.

No such luck.

So, we still have an OLT in our yard, we still have a dog that rolls in turkey poop, and I have no idea how to get rid of him.

Does anyone know when turkey season starts? 


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